i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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