our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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