my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
