After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
