can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
