I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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