So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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