i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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