I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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