I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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