She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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