So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
