I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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