In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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