Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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