i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
BRING THE BAGELS
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
