This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Soap is not a condiment
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
True college students do jello shots in the library
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
