I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
