Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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