The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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