did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
