Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
