he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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