he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
