no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I could fuck to npr.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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