whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
