Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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