i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
