"it" just moved
This house was built for laser tag.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Alive.
So much puke
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
