Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
