we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
All I want is dick and wine.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
