You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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