His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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