I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Someone shattered a urinal.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
