Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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