I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
