When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
