Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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