who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
