good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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