I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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