I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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