hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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