I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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