he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the day after is always just damage control
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
