hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
