That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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