He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
