If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
