i was born a porn star she said
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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